Pushing to do... The Bare Minimum

It's slowly becoming more and more apparent that the non-procrastinating, always trying to get ahead and stay ahead individual that I am, is failing at the "staying ahead" part of my life.

I go to bed with a migraine that progressively gets worse. I wake up with a migraine that gets progressively worse. My massage therapist, noted that she could feel the pulsing in my head yesterday. She said she'd never felt it so bad... but in those moments, I didn't even notice the pulsing pain I've become so used to.

Thursdays are my only days off. Its the day I have the largest list of chores and homework and little things I need to get done. Most of which are in preparation for the next week.

However, I sit here fully knowing that most of my homework requires reading. But my eyes are already heavy and it isn't even 10:00AM. I know that my little chores require cleaning supplies... the kind that don't smell great... I ordered my groceries online, so I'll pick them up later this afternoon... but that involves driving, which means I can't take my meds before I go.

So the reality sets in. I have no choice regarding my homework that is due tomorrow... 150 some odd pages plus 2 pages of written response. I have to get my groceries. I'll have to suck up the fact that my cleaning products smell and clean. If anyone has suggestions regarding less harsh cleaning products that don't break the bank, please let me know.

But that leaves everything else. Tomorrow I have class then work the rest of the day. I work all day Saturday and Sunday. So where on earth do I squeeze in studying for my Marketing exam, reading a long chapter for another class, reading 100 pages for my lit class, continuing to unpack, and further developing three final projects?

I have to do the bare minimum. But what if the bare minimum today isn't enough? What if I don't have any spoons left tomorrow or over the weekend to complete the rest of my list?

Days like today make me terrified that one day, I won't even be able to do the bare minimum and that my shot at any sort of fulfilling life will be gone.

Here's to hoping that I get a little more than I expect done today.

-A

Comments

Defining "Normal"

I'd be crazy to think that "normal" in terms of life as a disabled migraine patient should look anything like your "normal"... When I say this, I want you to think about your week. For the most part, you work your scheduled days, enjoy your weekends, and absolutely dread waking up on a Monday morning. That's your routine. Even as a student, Monday's are dreadful and suddenly you're halfway through the semester wondering how on Earth you've gone this many weeks and how this new semester's routine became so normal so fast. Each day brings a new attitude, because each day is closer to the weekend or a fun event. I have to admit, with football season pretty much being over, I don't know what day it is 99% of the time. That's crazy right? I think it is. My "days" exist in a bubble of I took medicine two days ago, so even though I need some today, I have to wait until tomorrow. I leave my medication on my counte...

It Hurts

To say I feel less than human, is probably a bit of an understatement. But I do. I've been home for a week. I've managed to pretty much lay in bed in agonizing pain the whole time. I had a half-assed attempt to see a friend that resulted in me rushing home as the nausea and aphasia set in. I successfully made it to massage therapy today. Which meant even after sleeping for roughly 2 hours, I got up at 7:30 and sat in traffic for hours to get to a less than expected appointment. Mind you, my previous massage therapist was so wonderful I'm most likely spoiled to other techniques. This lady was late, she sat in the same god awful traffic I did. We spent more time going over the woes of her morning, than we did discussing why I was there and what I hoped to achieve through various massage techniques. The massage room wasn't dimly lit, and even as the massage started, lights were still on. I found this odd, but decided to just keep my eyes closed. Then she started ...

I Know I Look Fine

Let's all take a moment to be very honest with ourselves. If we looked the way we felt 99% of the time none of us would look all too great. This isn't something that is specific to my condition. This is something anyone can deal with. Got arthritis? Got a UTI? Getting over a cold? No one is going to proudly display the dark circles under their eyes, and lots of makeup companies have perfected concealer to hide just that. But I'll put up with your looks. Your confused faces. Your attempted sympathetic "well I hope you feel better" as I rush away from work. Why? Because there's no way you can ever SEE the pain and the symptoms I'm experiencing. Sure my pupil is literally taking over the entire blue part of my eye... but hey I'm probably just stoned or something. I don't know how you'd be able to see that my body is saying hey if you don't get into a dark room right now, lay down, and try and consume some food I'm goin...

My Life. My Migraine.

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