Perhaps Its Contagious

I noticed today, while rolling over on my couch trying to find some sense of relief, that my bear looks exactly how I feel.

He's hunched over and looks like he is very done with the day. Me too Mr. Bear. Me too.

Today started out so good. I had this little burst of energy that diminished by the time I had eaten breakfast and started on my reading homework... maybe I just never need to pick up another book.

And so I shifted back into my regular routine of rubbing essential oils on my face, getting my diffuser going, altering the lighting and reading what I could. Then the routine continued on to my decision to take some medication, realizing this migraine could get really bad really quick.

By the time I finished the one small errand I had for the day, I was completely nauseated, could barely see, and couldn't stop shaking. You know, it is awfully hard to prepare lunch when you just want to throw up. Let alone eat the prepared lunch, knowing eating it will make me feel better, but knowing it just might not stay down.

So maybe that's what my bear's up to... maybe he's getting sick.

Following my even more normal routine, I canceled my plans for the afternoon. I don't think anyone will ever fully understand how painful it is to make plans, knowing good and well there's a 95% chance, that those plans will be canceled. Especially since I canceled plans last time. Especially since I've already canceled future plans. Guess who got to cash in our their Bon Jovi ticket insurance because they aren't going anymore? That's right, y'all. It's me.

Every thing in this world that made me normal or made me love life, has been canceled.

I canceled today on going out to this new coffee shop I heard of. I. Alex Tomlinson. Canceled on coffee.

I canceled a concert I desperately wanted to attend because I missed it last year.

I get to sell my Country USA tickets when they arrive in May too.

Not that I love finals or anything, but I'm sure I'll have to cancel important meetings with group members for final projects, or cancel the final and reschedule since you know I've missed god knows how many exams already this semester.

I can probably already say that my hopes and aspirations for this summer, can be canceled. Who wouldn't want to decide not to go see Def Leppard and Journey on the 4th of July?

I can cancel out the idea of trying to find a second job over the summer... I can barely consistently make it to the job I have.

So here's to canceled plans and the interesting connection I seem to share with my bear today. Hopefully he perks up soon.

-A

Comments

I Know I Look Fine

Let's all take a moment to be very honest with ourselves. If we looked the way we felt 99% of the time none of us would look all too great. This isn't something that is specific to my condition. This is something anyone can deal with. Got arthritis? Got a UTI? Getting over a cold? No one is going to proudly display the dark circles under their eyes, and lots of makeup companies have perfected concealer to hide just that. But I'll put up with your looks. Your confused faces. Your attempted sympathetic "well I hope you feel better" as I rush away from work. Why? Because there's no way you can ever SEE the pain and the symptoms I'm experiencing. Sure my pupil is literally taking over the entire blue part of my eye... but hey I'm probably just stoned or something. I don't know how you'd be able to see that my body is saying hey if you don't get into a dark room right now, lay down, and try and consume some food I'm goin...

You See What I Show

You see my hair done. You see my makeup. You see my blemish free skin. You see a healthy glow. You don't recognize the tired, strained look in my eyes, because you've never been exposed to a truly "healthy" version of me. Forgive me for putting on the show. Forgive me for pretending that everything is fine. Forgive me for not looking sick. Forgive my negative outlook. Why? Because you don't get to see what this condition is. You don't see that I haven't slept in days. You don't see the bruises lining my legs because the heat has caused a rash on my skin. I understand that its a hard thing to wrap your head around. I mean I get it. I stood at work with a pain level 9. And as I walked around the store, it felt like someone was pushing from the inside of my skull down onto my eyelids. I had to forcibly hold back tears because the pain was so intense. I'd accidentally wander into an area where the sunlight was bouncing off of s...

It Hurts

To say I feel less than human, is probably a bit of an understatement. But I do. I've been home for a week. I've managed to pretty much lay in bed in agonizing pain the whole time. I had a half-assed attempt to see a friend that resulted in me rushing home as the nausea and aphasia set in. I successfully made it to massage therapy today. Which meant even after sleeping for roughly 2 hours, I got up at 7:30 and sat in traffic for hours to get to a less than expected appointment. Mind you, my previous massage therapist was so wonderful I'm most likely spoiled to other techniques. This lady was late, she sat in the same god awful traffic I did. We spent more time going over the woes of her morning, than we did discussing why I was there and what I hoped to achieve through various massage techniques. The massage room wasn't dimly lit, and even as the massage started, lights were still on. I found this odd, but decided to just keep my eyes closed. Then she started ...

My Life. My Migraine.

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