Skip to main content

Sorry, My Brain Didn't Show Up Today


Alright, y'all crazy stuff is in the works...

Including move number 8? in the last 2 years... Yup. 8.

6 months ago, I sat in this same spot. Took a similar photo. And I wrote a piece: Moving With Migraine. Feel free to glance back at it, as I'm sure all the same emotions and struggles that plagued me then, plague me now.

But today isn't really about moving, its about the dumb things my brain has done while attempting to move.

Brain Fog.

Sometimes its as simple as not being able to remember an easy word. Stopping mid-sentence feeling completely insane because you can't remember whatever it is you were trying to say... only to remember 15 minutes later that the correct word was "pen"...

Brain fog is frustrating to no end.

It tends to play well with my ability to jumble words as a migraine is setting in. Real fun when you can't remember words and then start jumbling the ones your brain does recognize.

It's like dyslexia for my mouth.

It kind of comes and goes. Most of the time I feel like I'm spaced out. Maybe I just can't focus or remember what order I was trying to do things in.

So, to start this wonderful packing journey, I packed up my office stuff...

Starting with all my paper and notepads and sticky notes...

Now, you're probably like yeah duh office stuff. What's the big deal... Well. How do I make a list of what can't get packed yet? How do I make a checklist of people I need to call such as insurance to get a new doctor, Spectrum to cancel service, family to let them know I'm leaving way sooner than anticipated... 

So, here I am. A week into packing and I have NO paper. I also refuse to go buy a notebook and the notes app on my phone actually isn't a suitable substitute.

Which leaves me staring blank into the mess that is my kitchen not even knowing where to start.

Which leaves the "list" in my head...

Problem is, I didn't remember to throw my brain in my lunchbox today so here I am, and I forgot to bring my brain with me today...

I was blessed to have Mikayla around to help pack my kitchen. She helped reinstate some sanity... like which items do I pull out to continue to use for the next week and which can get packed.

She packed my kitchen while I blanks stared at half filled boxes. Then blank stared at cabinets and food and literally couldn't grasp the concept that oh hey, you have to eat for the next week, you can't pack everything.

Then, I decided okay, I'll go tackle the living room... only to spend 15 minutes looking at this 4" x 5" corner hole that needed to have something fill it.

And to top it all off, by the time we called it quits... my body was literally done for the day. I managed to over exert myself simply by staring at boxes in confusion. 

It kind of feels like I need to focus on one thing. (Having a list would help narrow this down) But even in my scatterbrained state, if I do find one thing to focus on, I probably will forget what it is... because brain fog.

Fingers crossed my migraines aren't actually extremely early onset Alzheimer's...

But if it is, maybe I won't have to remember that my head is pounding?

A.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I Know I Look Fine

Let's all take a moment to be very honest with ourselves. If we looked the way we felt 99% of the time none of us would look all too great. This isn't something that is specific to my condition. This is something anyone can deal with. Got arthritis? Got a UTI? Getting over a cold? No one is going to proudly display the dark circles under their eyes, and lots of makeup companies have perfected concealer to hide just that. But I'll put up with your looks. Your confused faces. Your attempted sympathetic "well I hope you feel better" as I rush away from work. Why? Because there's no way you can ever SEE the pain and the symptoms I'm experiencing. Sure my pupil is literally taking over the entire blue part of my eye... but hey I'm probably just stoned or something. I don't know how you'd be able to see that my body is saying hey if you don't get into a dark room right now, lay down, and try and consume some food I'm goin...

You See What I Show

You see my hair done. You see my makeup. You see my blemish free skin. You see a healthy glow. You don't recognize the tired, strained look in my eyes, because you've never been exposed to a truly "healthy" version of me. Forgive me for putting on the show. Forgive me for pretending that everything is fine. Forgive me for not looking sick. Forgive my negative outlook. Why? Because you don't get to see what this condition is. You don't see that I haven't slept in days. You don't see the bruises lining my legs because the heat has caused a rash on my skin. I understand that its a hard thing to wrap your head around. I mean I get it. I stood at work with a pain level 9. And as I walked around the store, it felt like someone was pushing from the inside of my skull down onto my eyelids. I had to forcibly hold back tears because the pain was so intense. I'd accidentally wander into an area where the sunlight was bouncing off of s...

It Hurts

To say I feel less than human, is probably a bit of an understatement. But I do. I've been home for a week. I've managed to pretty much lay in bed in agonizing pain the whole time. I had a half-assed attempt to see a friend that resulted in me rushing home as the nausea and aphasia set in. I successfully made it to massage therapy today. Which meant even after sleeping for roughly 2 hours, I got up at 7:30 and sat in traffic for hours to get to a less than expected appointment. Mind you, my previous massage therapist was so wonderful I'm most likely spoiled to other techniques. This lady was late, she sat in the same god awful traffic I did. We spent more time going over the woes of her morning, than we did discussing why I was there and what I hoped to achieve through various massage techniques. The massage room wasn't dimly lit, and even as the massage started, lights were still on. I found this odd, but decided to just keep my eyes closed. Then she started ...