Skip to main content

Home.


There's just something about it.

That place where the sand meets the cold salty water. That place where the horizon seems to go on forever.

Its that moment when you're driving down the road, windows down, and you cross the first bridge and the scent of salty air begins to consume you.

I'm sure there's some sort of scientific evidence that backs up this notion of Vitamin Sea.

So, in this whirlwind I've been tossed into between having to leave my job and accept a different life it seems like a lot of bigger questions were also up in the air.

I woke up way too early yesterday morning. I knew I had to tell my boss that I had no choice but to just be done. This resulted in a phone call to my parents way too early.

As the day progressed... really slowly... I ended up back on the phone with my mom. The idea was presented to go through with these SPG Blocks and get through the semester, and come Christmas, they'd come pack me up and move me home.

They'd rearrange the upstairs to allow me to have my own bedroom and living room area and I wouldn't have to worry about feeling good enough to find a job or continue with school.

But then it hit me.

Why take out more loans? Why sit in classes for something that I really don't need a degree to do? For a degree I wouldn't finish?

Why not just go home now.

The pros and cons swayed back and forth all day long.

But as I tried to come up with cons, I came up with more pros.

Like before my mom called me back, I'd been sitting scrolling and looking back on all the beautiful pictures of Charleston. I was reminiscing about sitting under the Ravenel, watching whatever country up and comer was opening that night at Party in the Park. I don't even like sand, but the sunset looks the prettiest from the beach.

And so I have my list of cons and my list of pros.

Cons:
 - My apartment is so fabulous and I've worked so hard to get to where I am.
 - I'm in a really good headache program at Froedert.
 - My lotus chandelier has a home.
 - I won't get all the broadcast Packer games.
 - I'll once again be moving away from family.
 - Snow.

Pros:
- I won't be taking out any more student loans - I mean if we're being serious, my health won't dramatically improve anytime soon most likely. My program is a mess, but my senior year will be spent creating a huge senior project that I'll have to present. That presentation is like an hour long. How many times do you think they'll let me reschedule that because of my migraines...
- I don't have to sell my soul to afford groceries.
- Sweet Tea.
- I can see my mom more than once a year.
- I won't be hundreds of miles away from my closest friends.
- Seafood.
- I'll get to work with my old neurologist who understands the progression of my migraines better than anyone
- If I couldn't manage two and a half days of work, how would I manage school?
- My parents are letting me keep my couch.
- No more coin laundry.

So. At the end of the day, it makes so much more sense to just go home. I mean weather is everywhere. It storms every other day here, so that's no different that Charleston. So, if I'm going to be in this much pain I'd rather be parked under a palm tree.

And I know I've got plenty of people reading this thinking I'm crazy and plenty reading it who support me 100%.

I know I'm too smart to be dropping out of college. I know my goals are too high to give up and move back in with my parents.

But that isn't quite what's happening. I never wanted to go to college. I was given options for where I could go. It wasn't until I toured Duke that any glimmer of excitement surrounding college existed. And I was only excited because I wanted to painted blue, front and center on ESPN.

I was good at architecture because I put my mind to it. I was good at interior design because I put my mind to it.

So, now I'm going to let my mind wander. I'll be home in late September. Maybe a new treatment will work and I can explore who I want to be. Maybe it won't and I can spend a large amount of time at the Social Security office fighting to get disability.

Again, this Eric Church guy is pretty smart and I think we've got a little too much in common.

Because, like the sound of a siren song, oh Carolina, ya keep calling me home.

A.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It Hurts

To say I feel less than human, is probably a bit of an understatement. But I do. I've been home for a week. I've managed to pretty much lay in bed in agonizing pain the whole time. I had a half-assed attempt to see a friend that resulted in me rushing home as the nausea and aphasia set in. I successfully made it to massage therapy today. Which meant even after sleeping for roughly 2 hours, I got up at 7:30 and sat in traffic for hours to get to a less than expected appointment. Mind you, my previous massage therapist was so wonderful I'm most likely spoiled to other techniques. This lady was late, she sat in the same god awful traffic I did. We spent more time going over the woes of her morning, than we did discussing why I was there and what I hoped to achieve through various massage techniques. The massage room wasn't dimly lit, and even as the massage started, lights were still on. I found this odd, but decided to just keep my eyes closed. Then she started ...
1 comment
Read more

Positive Notes

Here I go mixing things up before things have really taken off. My featured picture is intended to represent the way chronic illnesses and disabilities are only really seen in black and white. My words are intended to fill in all that grey space that is ignored. But today I needed a little color. Because at the end of the day, there's a lot of brightness and light and hope that is key component to my every day battle. So here's a sneak peak and my brand new apartment. I think I've spent the last 4 or 5 years waiting for the day that I had a place of my own. Not because I wanted freedom to do what I pleased or had the same urge to be an adult and do adult things. I in no way want to make anyone think that adulting is fun or recommended for anyone. I didn't want my own place. I needed it. I needed to not have to snarl at my parents for running the garbage disposal or cutting the grass when my head hurt too badly to get out of bed. I couldn't take one more la...
Post a Comment
Read more

Tips and Tricks: Migraines Without Meds

We've all got that one thing that we know will make us be more comfortable, more ourselves. That little something we feel gives us an edge in whatever we're doing. It's that red pair of shoes that'll make us stand out from the crowd because there really isn't a wrong time to wear them, but they certainly aren't expected. It's that lucky pair of socks. It's the green scarf. It's our lucky pen. We want to be comfortable. But, when we've got outside forces controlling a pulsing sensation in our heads, comfort is about as far away as the sun we're desperately trying to avoid. And if you're in my position, reaching for the bottle of pain killers isn't always the right choice. To be completely honest, my pain meds scare me. Every time I get into some trance while I'm on them. Every time I feel myself coming down. Every time the pain sneaks back in. Some days I convince myself that the medication simply wore off and the br...
Post a Comment
Read more