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Stop Shaming Me For Not Wanting A Family


We live in this world that is constantly pushing everyone to take part in everything.

Go get your degree.

 Find a husband.

 You better have your dream job by the time your twenty-five. 

 Oh, but you need to have kids before you turn thirty. 

 And, don't forget about transitioning from your tiny apartment to a home with extra bedrooms. You're going to need all that extra space for when those kiddos come. 

What a crock of a shit.

I mean really.

With all this feminism that has captured the millennial aged women of our nation, it continues to baffle me when I am shamed for not wanting anything to do with any of that.

You demand equal pay. You demand paid maternity leave. You demand longer maternity leave. You demand a realistic work - life balance.

Work life balance?

Funny, these concepts revolve around being an equal in the household. Where you and your significant other with split all the bills and the responsibilities related to the children. That is the work life balance you demand. You want all these things for woman, but these things contradict the idea of woman being the breadwinner...

And then you turn around and refuse to accept into your circle, those woman who simply want to be the boss.

I mean how many articles need to be published about female bosses having "less pity" for mothers who need a day off for their kids doctor's appointment or the babysitter bailing...

Young women are literally against the picturesque ideas they are fighting for.

And then you have the women who are young and are mothers. God, these are some of the most wonderful people I have ever come to know.

Some of them are stay at home moms, some work part time, some work 3 jobs. Sometimes being a mom was planned, sometimes it wasn't.

But, I can't mention that my friend had a kid. I can't post congratulations aside from on the original announcement.

Suddenly the older generation steps in, and you're reminded that your sole purpose on this Earth is to reproduce and hey, all your friends got the message, why haven't you?

I can't tell you how many times I had coworkers and customers shame me for not taking the time out of my busy schedule to find a boyfriend. Because, if you're going to start a family while you're still young, you're clearly wasting your time at a busy job and a degree that really doesn't matter. Because you're meant to be a mom.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I would change my mind, or that I don't know what I want because I'm too young, or my personal favorite: God has a plan for you... I'll be damned I could afford all of my medication and therapies of choice!

Maybe the worst part is, its people who are strangers. Its family. Its medical staff. Its everyone and their brother.

Last time I checked, my condition is hereditary.

You want more sick children, brought into a world that already can't aid the sick...

I have to sit in shame as if I've committed a huge sin, every time someone brings up children. I mean hell, I got lectured for 30 minutes during a massage because the subject came up.

You want women to have the right to choose when it comes to "keeping" the baby, but that attitude would change quite dramatically if you found out she never wanted kids.

So stop.

Stop shaming me for having a different plan for my life.

Stop shaming me for wanting to spend the money I earn, on myself.

Stop shaming me for not wanting to babysit and "play" with everyone else's kids.

I've mourned the loss of a lot of things, but I can tell you I have never mourned at the idea that my condition makes it so that I can't be a mom. Or can't be a caregiver.

I mourned when I was 15 and suffered irreversible damage to my knee, meaning I could never be a detective.

I mourned when I was 17 and destroyed my rotater cuff, further ensuring my limited physical options later in life.

I mourned when I was 18 and recognized that I was too sick and had too complex of a medical history to be a normal college student.

I mourned when I was 20 and left the job I had fought so hard to have. I mourned the education I had to put on hold. I mourned the independence I had grown so fond of.

Everyday I'm reminded of the things I've given up and dreams I've had to alter.

But, in all the things I've had to give up, none of them included having a family, because that was never something I wanted.

Yet, I get more flak for not wanting kids than I do for "always being tired"

I know I am not alone in this.

I also know there are plenty of people who would do anything for kids, and this isn't mean to demean all the wonderful moms and moms to be of this world in the slightest.

But, I can't just up and get my tubes tied... which would slow these migraines dramatically... because the shame that exists extends all the way up the medical ladder.

Crazy, right?

You have your right to choose, so why don't I?

A.

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