Skip to main content

My Day "Off"


One whole day. I have this entire day, no commitments, no doctor or therapy appointments, I don't even need to go out and grab groceries.

I had plans this evening. Canceled.

Why?

Because my "day off" doesn't get to be a day off.

I've already almost punched in 40 hours this week, not including therapy and doctors appointments that stretched the days out longer.

So now, I finally have a day where normal people would lay back and relax. Binge watch some Netflix. Grab food with friends.

But chronic migraine doesn't allow that.

I don't know what it is about this disease, but for some reason I can push through endless work days and appointments and accomplish a ton, but the second I have a day to myself, all the stabbing pain and fatigue crash down onto me.

I didn't get home last night until after 10:30 because we had things to finish up at work. By the time I got home, I couldn't just collapse into bed, so I was up much later than normal.

I could feel my steady 6 of a migraine, growing to a 7 and then an 8. I awoke to a screeching 9. I could barely muster the energy to turn off my alarm.

By the time I managed to drag myself from my bed and get coffee brewing I was met with the disaster of my apartment. You know, the combination of migraine brain that causes me to become a tornado when I walk through the house and the nonstop working so dishes haven't been touched and shit there's no food that's cooked.

Piles of stuff everywhere. Dishes piled by the sink. Mail piled on my coffee table. Blankets piled on the couch. 2 planners and various schedules pilled on the floor where I have my calendar propped. Shoes and bags piled by the door. And my car keys in a coffee cup?

Who knows.

This week has been so busy that I've put off "cooking" from Sunday to today. Fingers crossed my groceries haven't all gone bad.

But how do I bring myself to cook? My head weighs a thousand pounds. My eyes only stay half open, but I can't close them because that hurts too.

I certainly can't do my PT exercises.

What did I want to do today? Nothing. What am I supposed to get done today? All sorts of things.

Yeah sure, there's plenty of people who work full time and spend their days off running errands and cleaning around the house, but I spend my days off debating on if I should go to the hospital or just curl up and hope it subsides.

I'll be met tomorrow with "how was your day off" and the likes. I'll be chastised for not wearing red for our huge sale... but there's no possible way I could drive to the store and find red shirts in my condition...

I guess the point is that I don't really get days off.

I wish people could see that. Whether it's coworkers who tell me to enjoy days off when those days off I'll be in class all day or if it's professors wishing me a good weekend, when I'll be working the whole time. Mostly, people who refuse to acknowledge that just because we "had plans" doesn't mean I'll magically feel better to go through with those plans.

Thankfully those people are slowly dwindling in numbers.

So here's to my lazy day off where I'll spend most of it uncomfortably seated on my couch wishing to be anywhere else.

A.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tips and Tricks: Migraines Without Meds

We've all got that one thing that we know will make us be more comfortable, more ourselves. That little something we feel gives us an edge in whatever we're doing. It's that red pair of shoes that'll make us stand out from the crowd because there really isn't a wrong time to wear them, but they certainly aren't expected. It's that lucky pair of socks. It's the green scarf. It's our lucky pen. We want to be comfortable. But, when we've got outside forces controlling a pulsing sensation in our heads, comfort is about as far away as the sun we're desperately trying to avoid. And if you're in my position, reaching for the bottle of pain killers isn't always the right choice. To be completely honest, my pain meds scare me. Every time I get into some trance while I'm on them. Every time I feel myself coming down. Every time the pain sneaks back in. Some days I convince myself that the medication simply wore off and the br
Post a Comment
Read more

It Hurts

To say I feel less than human, is probably a bit of an understatement. But I do. I've been home for a week. I've managed to pretty much lay in bed in agonizing pain the whole time. I had a half-assed attempt to see a friend that resulted in me rushing home as the nausea and aphasia set in. I successfully made it to massage therapy today. Which meant even after sleeping for roughly 2 hours, I got up at 7:30 and sat in traffic for hours to get to a less than expected appointment. Mind you, my previous massage therapist was so wonderful I'm most likely spoiled to other techniques. This lady was late, she sat in the same god awful traffic I did. We spent more time going over the woes of her morning, than we did discussing why I was there and what I hoped to achieve through various massage techniques. The massage room wasn't dimly lit, and even as the massage started, lights were still on. I found this odd, but decided to just keep my eyes closed. Then she started
1 comment
Read more

Here's My Advice, Take it or Leave It

On one of my last days of work, as I cradled my head and struggled to get through the short shift I had that evening, on the way out, my coworker looked at me and said: "You know, for as bad as you feel, you certainly don't show it" It was the first time I stepped back from a comment like that and realized that she wasn't trying to diminish me. She was coming from a common place. She knew exactly the pain I was in, and was truly almost impressed that I could go on with my day and appear to be a high functioning adult. And that is where this post came from. There's so many of us, who day in and day out are fighting. Fighting for the pain to stop. Fighting for those around us to just let us be or try and understand us. Fighting to hide what's going on. We're all simply fighting to be normal, but we never will be, and that's okay. I took the time to reach out to people with conditions ranging from migraines (like mine), to anxiety and depressio
Post a Comment
Read more