My Life. My Migraine.

People do a lot of talking about doors. How they open and close and how they end up being the provider of direction during difficult times. But, you see. Doors, they have to be opened. There are no ghosts here. And just because you choose to walk away from doors that don't seem to be serving you the best at the moment, doesn't mean that you close the door. It certainly doesn't mean that you've got to lock it up and throw away the key. Please, don't throw away the key.  But, please. Stop waiting for the right door to open for you. Dance down the hall and open that door yourself. Hell, why just open one? And hey, maybe you haven't opened the door yet for a reason. So what's stopping you from decorating the walls with the journey you've already been on? It feels like that's what I've been doing. I've been decorating these pages with a bunch of words. Some made you smile. Some made you cry. Some made you worry. Hopefully so...

You know, you always read this and that about people setting the wrong expectations. You get your hopes up way too high when it comes to a new treatment or a new opportunity. You find a new job and everything seemed so perfect. Until all of a sudden you're met with the "hey you're no longer a newbie so you get to see what all of this is actually like" and then your coworkers stop wanting to be nice. Your boss isn't as invested. You see right through the shiny lights and soft fabrics and realize, yes this is a great job, but I'll never fully enjoy it because I set the bar too high. Then there's the other end. You expect the worst. And the worst is what you shall receive... hypothetically. I mean, they say if you walk into a new treatment expecting it not to work, it won't work. It's the reason placebos show promising results in some cases, because people just know it'll work. But, in all these trials and in all these various methods...

Excuse me as a I rearrange my crystals so that my chakras can be lined up better and I can start feeling the positive vibes from my magical stones.  Don't mind me, as I quietly pour my coffee and curl up with my extra soft blankets as I transition to being awake. Don't mind me as I clean out my diffuser, add fresh water and my go to uplifting blend of lemon, rosemary, and spearmint. Don't mind me while I disappear to spend twenty minutes working to ground myself and be more centered through a gentle yoga sequence. Don't mind my wall of artwork, some mine, some yours, arranged in a way that has been deemed "out of style". Don't mind me as I lose myself in an album. Yesterday: Brantley Gilbert, today: The Eagles, tomorrow: John Mayer. Or maybe Dierks. Perhaps Miranda. Don't mind me, while I spend countless hours following my favorite shows, watching their imaginary lives unfold. Don't mind me as I immerse myself in the football games...

You could have told me how different it all would be. I probably wouldn't have believed you for a second.  15.  Limitless.  Feeling like the whole world was at my fingertips, because at 15 that's what we all think.  I mean Taylor Swift wrote an entire song about all the things she didn't know at fifteen. Maybe I should have paid more attention. But she wishes she could go back and tell herself what she knows now... but I wouldn't have believed any of it.  Because I was going to spend my early twenties rushing around, answering phone calls, dodging between jammed traffic trying to make sure my overly demanding boss had her morning coffee in hand prior to her meeting. I'd be filing papers, making copies, scheduling appointments, sifting through emails. I'd be a mess most likely, but hey, if you want the top job someday, you've got to struggle for a while.  Then one day, I'd pitch an idea or be on some back burner waiting for my...