Skip to main content

Limbo


I lay here unable to lift my head up real high. Its just so heavy today.

The effects of not going to massage therapy this week are showing. Everything is tense. I keep trying to stretch out my neck, but it hurts.

The shots I received... all 4 of them... made the neck tension much worse.

I try and sit up straight. I try to adjust my posture, but I just wind up curled back up struggling to support my head.

I'd love to get up off the couch and do some yoga. But I'd probably make myself sicker.

I get to just lay here. Until its time to eat again. Or until I need to get dressed to go to work. I work all weekend.

That scares me.

It was the right thing to do to put in my "two weeks" notice, but with as much pain as I'm in, I can't see myself effectively communicating with customers. I can barely sit up right now, and with each hour since I've been up, the pain has only gotten worse.

If I finish out my last week of work, I'll have about $300 extra to my name.

But at this rate, what is $300 if I just keep getting worse.

I don't want to let people down. I really don't.

I'm in this awkward state of limbo.

I'm not getting any better. Frankly, I'm just getting worse and worse.

I also think I'm actually getting sick. Maybe a cold or something.

So today isn't a good day. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

A.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Defining "Normal"

I'd be crazy to think that "normal" in terms of life as a disabled migraine patient should look anything like your "normal"... When I say this, I want you to think about your week. For the most part, you work your scheduled days, enjoy your weekends, and absolutely dread waking up on a Monday morning. That's your routine. Even as a student, Monday's are dreadful and suddenly you're halfway through the semester wondering how on Earth you've gone this many weeks and how this new semester's routine became so normal so fast. Each day brings a new attitude, because each day is closer to the weekend or a fun event. I have to admit, with football season pretty much being over, I don't know what day it is 99% of the time. That's crazy right? I think it is. My "days" exist in a bubble of I took medicine two days ago, so even though I need some today, I have to wait until tomorrow. I leave my medication on my counte...
Post a Comment
Read more

It Hurts

To say I feel less than human, is probably a bit of an understatement. But I do. I've been home for a week. I've managed to pretty much lay in bed in agonizing pain the whole time. I had a half-assed attempt to see a friend that resulted in me rushing home as the nausea and aphasia set in. I successfully made it to massage therapy today. Which meant even after sleeping for roughly 2 hours, I got up at 7:30 and sat in traffic for hours to get to a less than expected appointment. Mind you, my previous massage therapist was so wonderful I'm most likely spoiled to other techniques. This lady was late, she sat in the same god awful traffic I did. We spent more time going over the woes of her morning, than we did discussing why I was there and what I hoped to achieve through various massage techniques. The massage room wasn't dimly lit, and even as the massage started, lights were still on. I found this odd, but decided to just keep my eyes closed. Then she started ...
1 comment
Read more

I Know I Look Fine

Let's all take a moment to be very honest with ourselves. If we looked the way we felt 99% of the time none of us would look all too great. This isn't something that is specific to my condition. This is something anyone can deal with. Got arthritis? Got a UTI? Getting over a cold? No one is going to proudly display the dark circles under their eyes, and lots of makeup companies have perfected concealer to hide just that. But I'll put up with your looks. Your confused faces. Your attempted sympathetic "well I hope you feel better" as I rush away from work. Why? Because there's no way you can ever SEE the pain and the symptoms I'm experiencing. Sure my pupil is literally taking over the entire blue part of my eye... but hey I'm probably just stoned or something. I don't know how you'd be able to see that my body is saying hey if you don't get into a dark room right now, lay down, and try and consume some food I'm goin...
1 comment
Read more