Skip to main content

Night And Day


I ordered shitty Chinese food, but the fortune makes me think the Chinese gods are trying to tell me something.

Don't know what but something.

Anyway, one thing that always is hard for me is this idea that I'm going to have plans or that somethings going to get done during x amount of free time.

People are constantly asking "oh got any plans for the rest of the day" or "doing anything fun on your days off?"

I've had two days off in a row. God bless.

First thing yesterday morning I got up and went to check my car into the dealership to get work done. I didn't have my car back until mid-afternoon. Yet, it was surprising that I didn't then go grocery shopping.

Today, I had physical therapy at 8 AM, followed by massage therapy at 10AM, and my groceries were ready to pick up right before noon.

I have the whole rest of the day to do whatever my heart desires.

But you see, two days in a row, I've gotten up much earlier than I would on a day off. So, there's no question in needing a nap mid day if I hope to be somewhat functioning by dinnertime.

But, I've also exerted all the energy I have.

People don't get that. People don't understand why I have these 6-10 hour chunks of my day not scheduled.

I felt great this morning. It's a gorgeous day out. I drove from destination to destination with my music blasting, windows down, and not a care in the world that the sun was shining.

Now there's sharp pains stabbing me all over my head.

So, I'll nap.

I got my groceries put away, and tonight I've planned a pretty easy meal with minimal prep. While that's cooking I'll use that time and the energy saved up for then, to package out the meats I bought so they can be frozen in proper portion sizes.

But, I won't do my laundry.

I mean I can't. The washer broke. The room smells like dead rotting animals. I have no quarters. I also have like 3 or 4 loads of laundry to do, and I just don't feel like breaking up a nap to stand in that awful smelling room.

The thing is. I didn't want to have plans these two days I had off. I worked over 40 hours last week (as a part time employee). I'm exhausted. My body is exhausted.

The idea of trying to save energy and missing important appointments doesn't interest me.

I need rest days.

I need to sleep all night and then spend half of the day lounging on the couch not doing much of anything.

That's how I make it through long weeks.

If I don't take it easy some days, I'll die everyday.

So I never know what to say to people when they ask what I've got planned.

I don't make plans.

A.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Defining "Normal"

I'd be crazy to think that "normal" in terms of life as a disabled migraine patient should look anything like your "normal"... When I say this, I want you to think about your week. For the most part, you work your scheduled days, enjoy your weekends, and absolutely dread waking up on a Monday morning. That's your routine. Even as a student, Monday's are dreadful and suddenly you're halfway through the semester wondering how on Earth you've gone this many weeks and how this new semester's routine became so normal so fast. Each day brings a new attitude, because each day is closer to the weekend or a fun event. I have to admit, with football season pretty much being over, I don't know what day it is 99% of the time. That's crazy right? I think it is. My "days" exist in a bubble of I took medicine two days ago, so even though I need some today, I have to wait until tomorrow. I leave my medication on my counte...

It Hurts

To say I feel less than human, is probably a bit of an understatement. But I do. I've been home for a week. I've managed to pretty much lay in bed in agonizing pain the whole time. I had a half-assed attempt to see a friend that resulted in me rushing home as the nausea and aphasia set in. I successfully made it to massage therapy today. Which meant even after sleeping for roughly 2 hours, I got up at 7:30 and sat in traffic for hours to get to a less than expected appointment. Mind you, my previous massage therapist was so wonderful I'm most likely spoiled to other techniques. This lady was late, she sat in the same god awful traffic I did. We spent more time going over the woes of her morning, than we did discussing why I was there and what I hoped to achieve through various massage techniques. The massage room wasn't dimly lit, and even as the massage started, lights were still on. I found this odd, but decided to just keep my eyes closed. Then she started ...

I Know I Look Fine

Let's all take a moment to be very honest with ourselves. If we looked the way we felt 99% of the time none of us would look all too great. This isn't something that is specific to my condition. This is something anyone can deal with. Got arthritis? Got a UTI? Getting over a cold? No one is going to proudly display the dark circles under their eyes, and lots of makeup companies have perfected concealer to hide just that. But I'll put up with your looks. Your confused faces. Your attempted sympathetic "well I hope you feel better" as I rush away from work. Why? Because there's no way you can ever SEE the pain and the symptoms I'm experiencing. Sure my pupil is literally taking over the entire blue part of my eye... but hey I'm probably just stoned or something. I don't know how you'd be able to see that my body is saying hey if you don't get into a dark room right now, lay down, and try and consume some food I'm goin...