Pushing Through and Pushing On

Bad advice I receive from everyone: Push Through

God. I hate that phrase. "Can't you just push through it?"

No Jessica I can't fucking see, I obviously can't push through this.

But, what on earth do I keep doing? Pushing through it.

I started my new job Sunday... I was shocked. I woke up and there wasn't a hint of pain. I kept waiting all day for that pain to show its ugly smile. It never came. Nausea showed its ugly face. I'll put it off to nerves of starting new and not knowing what to do. That all wore off after lunch. But that sharp stabbing pain, didn't come.

32 hours of pure relief. What a concept.

But let me tell you, Memorial Day I crashed. I woke up in that all too familiar pain. I spent a few hours conning myself to get out of bed. Then a few more convincing myself to not go back to bed.

Come new job day 2, and I didn't wake up feeling fabulous, but after being up for a bit I was feeling okay. I got through day 2 with no pain.

I actually sat down and thought woah. What if a new job that is actually my dream job is it. This new perfect slice of life I have discovered. What if this is all I needed and my migraines aren't real?

Wrong. The honeymoon died.

Which brings me to pushing through.

Gosh I wanted to call out so badly this morning. My head just pulsed and pulsed all day long. I also spent all day with a wonderful trainer. Quick talking. Talks with her hands. Energetic. Loud. In an already loud design center.

I literally moved to Wisconsin to get away from hurricane season... and what do you know the first hurricane of the year decided to run its course straight to me. In fucking Wisconsin.

But I pushed through. I learned all about our largest upholstery collection and had my second official customer. I actually didn't want to leave by the time my shift was over because I was having so much fun with the learning exercises.

So tonight I'll take a note from my good friend F. Scott Fitzgerald. I'll push on, even if the current is against me.

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

A.

Comments

Defining "Normal"

I'd be crazy to think that "normal" in terms of life as a disabled migraine patient should look anything like your "normal"... When I say this, I want you to think about your week. For the most part, you work your scheduled days, enjoy your weekends, and absolutely dread waking up on a Monday morning. That's your routine. Even as a student, Monday's are dreadful and suddenly you're halfway through the semester wondering how on Earth you've gone this many weeks and how this new semester's routine became so normal so fast. Each day brings a new attitude, because each day is closer to the weekend or a fun event. I have to admit, with football season pretty much being over, I don't know what day it is 99% of the time. That's crazy right? I think it is. My "days" exist in a bubble of I took medicine two days ago, so even though I need some today, I have to wait until tomorrow. I leave my medication on my counte...

Tips and Tricks: Migraines Without Meds

We've all got that one thing that we know will make us be more comfortable, more ourselves. That little something we feel gives us an edge in whatever we're doing. It's that red pair of shoes that'll make us stand out from the crowd because there really isn't a wrong time to wear them, but they certainly aren't expected. It's that lucky pair of socks. It's the green scarf. It's our lucky pen. We want to be comfortable. But, when we've got outside forces controlling a pulsing sensation in our heads, comfort is about as far away as the sun we're desperately trying to avoid. And if you're in my position, reaching for the bottle of pain killers isn't always the right choice. To be completely honest, my pain meds scare me. Every time I get into some trance while I'm on them. Every time I feel myself coming down. Every time the pain sneaks back in. Some days I convince myself that the medication simply wore off and the br...

The Time We Take

Life's made up of moments. Or at least that's the idea. When everything is all said and done those moments will float back through our mind. Certainly makes you stop and think for a second about what kind of moments we hope make it to our highlight reel. Maybe it stops us in our tracks because we open up Instagram only to see everyone else's highlight reel. We forget that their reels are full of moments we'll never understand, and we get stuck in this place where we're convinced that we aren't doing enough, or aren't doing the right things with our lives. Maybe you can pick out those moments that you wish could live on forever, even though there isn't a photo to have captured it and locked it in time. Maybe you've still got some old photo albums laying around full of memories and long lost friends. One of the things I'm striving for this year is to capture those moments. To live in them. So often, I'm so buried in pain or end...

My Life. My Migraine.

Search This Blog