A Monday of Mondays

Today's one of those days where I sit here and ponder why I even made the effort to get out of bed. I'm nauseated. I can't really see straight. I'm not sure if the glaring sun or large amount of potholes did my stomach any good - I'm going to say no because I feel so awful.

But it's midterm week. I can't miss the day that goes over what will be on the exam or the day of the exam, right? I mean I'm sure I could.

But I don't feel like I can.

I got up much too early, and I could barely eat my breakfast. I took the meds I know I'm not supposed to drive on, and hoped that they didn't kick in before I got to campus. They didn't. They still haven't kicked in... neither has my nausea pill.

It's cool today, but inside these halls are stuffy and its hard to breathe. I feel like the air around me is going to swallow me up, but I'm sure my professor and classmates would turn their nose up to having class outside or opening a window.

So here I am. In class. Ready to take on the day.

I'm shaking. But I've got a long list of things to do today, so I'll go back to that idea of hope. I hope I can get through today. I hope my medicine calms my symptoms enough to not be a walking lump. I hope by the time I have to be at work, I know longer feel sick to my stomach.

Frankly, the severe head pain has nothing on all these other symptoms. Is it wrong that I would trade the writhing pain to not have my stomach churning and my heart racing?

Today's a Monday, and I can't wait for this Monday to be over. (Even though its only 8AM)

-A

Comments

Defining "Normal"

I'd be crazy to think that "normal" in terms of life as a disabled migraine patient should look anything like your "normal"... When I say this, I want you to think about your week. For the most part, you work your scheduled days, enjoy your weekends, and absolutely dread waking up on a Monday morning. That's your routine. Even as a student, Monday's are dreadful and suddenly you're halfway through the semester wondering how on Earth you've gone this many weeks and how this new semester's routine became so normal so fast. Each day brings a new attitude, because each day is closer to the weekend or a fun event. I have to admit, with football season pretty much being over, I don't know what day it is 99% of the time. That's crazy right? I think it is. My "days" exist in a bubble of I took medicine two days ago, so even though I need some today, I have to wait until tomorrow. I leave my medication on my counte...

It Hurts

To say I feel less than human, is probably a bit of an understatement. But I do. I've been home for a week. I've managed to pretty much lay in bed in agonizing pain the whole time. I had a half-assed attempt to see a friend that resulted in me rushing home as the nausea and aphasia set in. I successfully made it to massage therapy today. Which meant even after sleeping for roughly 2 hours, I got up at 7:30 and sat in traffic for hours to get to a less than expected appointment. Mind you, my previous massage therapist was so wonderful I'm most likely spoiled to other techniques. This lady was late, she sat in the same god awful traffic I did. We spent more time going over the woes of her morning, than we did discussing why I was there and what I hoped to achieve through various massage techniques. The massage room wasn't dimly lit, and even as the massage started, lights were still on. I found this odd, but decided to just keep my eyes closed. Then she started ...

I Know I Look Fine

Let's all take a moment to be very honest with ourselves. If we looked the way we felt 99% of the time none of us would look all too great. This isn't something that is specific to my condition. This is something anyone can deal with. Got arthritis? Got a UTI? Getting over a cold? No one is going to proudly display the dark circles under their eyes, and lots of makeup companies have perfected concealer to hide just that. But I'll put up with your looks. Your confused faces. Your attempted sympathetic "well I hope you feel better" as I rush away from work. Why? Because there's no way you can ever SEE the pain and the symptoms I'm experiencing. Sure my pupil is literally taking over the entire blue part of my eye... but hey I'm probably just stoned or something. I don't know how you'd be able to see that my body is saying hey if you don't get into a dark room right now, lay down, and try and consume some food I'm goin...

My Life. My Migraine.

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